Thoughts on Motherhood

II. It gets better

Giving birth was the easy part. 

As we struggled to strap our daughter into the car seat for the first time, I started feeling creeping twinges of panic.

Going home.

Why are the nurses just letting us walk out the door with her? Shouldn't at least one of them be coming with us to supervise?

I climbed into the backseat and didn't take my eyes off her.

Everyone who has ever been a parent offers the same bit of advice to first-timers: three little words that seem to encompass every anxiety you are experiencing.

"It gets better."

I couldn't sleep for the first 3 or 4 days. It was all a crazy hormone-induced frenzy of clumsy diaper changes, shocking postpartum bleeding, and trying to maintain my previous level of house cleanliness (impossible, I soon realized.)

Luckily my mother was there to assure me that my crying spells were perfectly normal and to do constant loads of laundry.

As my milk came in, my husband was wide-eyed with delight at my newly engorged boobs. But he seemed to lose interest the first time I showed him how they now leaked milk and required pads.

Night after night I sat awake with my spine curved painfully over her. She cooed and she cried, and I was covered in spit up. Covered in milk. Covered in tears.

Feeding schedule and the 4 a.m. look.

It gets better.

I kept thinking of the scene in the movie "Zero Dark Thirty" where they use sleep deprivation as a method of torture. 

I watch Richard yawn (after getting 6 hours of sleep) and feel uncalled-for anger and jealousy. I yawned even bigger to make it clear who wins this contest. 

I found myself Googling "How long lack of sleep insane?"

Even at four in the morning, covered in all manner of bodily fluids, I still gazed down at her little face and felt joy. It was a tired form of joy -- but still, joy.

It gets better. 

Thoughts on Motherhood

 I.The transition

I put on mascara before leaving for the hospital.

It was a scheduled induction, so I had time to prepare.

My thought was, "There will be lots of picture taking, so I want to look somewhat presentable."

I skipped my usual regimen of concealer, powder, blush, eyeliner and lip gloss because, hey, I was giving birth after all. 

By the time the nurses were on the third IV attempt, that mascara had been smeared all over my face with tears. I should have known better.

Labor was scary and painful - there's no other way to describe it. But it was over.

There were complications at the end and her cord was wrapped around her neck, so I didn't get to hold her right away. I remember leaning back in the bed …exhausted… but not able to look away from the squirming, screaming red baby on the examination table. 

She was perfect. 

Looking back 4 weeks on, putting on that mascara at 6:30 a.m. was my last act of my old life. Every other action in my previous 32 years has been entirely my own, for my own benefit.

Since that moment she arrived and was placed in my arms, I forgot myself. 

Every selfish thought, every worry, every jealousy or feeling of inadequacy took a backseat: I was transformed. The violent, physical act of her leaving my body was a rebirth for myself -- I was no longer just a woman, I became a mother. 

Whichgoose Autumn Lookbook

Well, this poor blog has been so neglected this year ... but I've made an exception to my pregnancy laziness and HAD to post some pictures from the recent photo shoot with PPS.

I'm calling it "A walk in autumn woods" .... with gorgeous photos by Pretty Petal Studio and crowns by Whichgoose.

Thanks to model Kate and assistant extraordinaire Lalania! 

It's Spring! So that means ...

My husband brought home these flowers for me from work the other night --- what a guy, right? But as they started to wilt in the vase, I thought I should make a flower crown because, that's what I do!

It's really a simple process, and it can be done with any sort of flowers (even from the grocery store.) In fact, this is the exact process I used for my wedding last year. I stopped by the Safeway on the way to setting up the venue and picked up a nice-looking bouquet. 

Here's the shot of that one:

Here's what you need:

Here are the flowers cut down to a more manageable size:

I added a bit of ribbon to the ends of my wire with a hot glue gun. This step makes it adjustable and easier to put on ... but you can definitely make a full-sized circle.

Slightly pull the floral tape to "activate" it's stickiness. 

Begin wrapping it around the wire for a bit of base coat:

Pick up your flower stems and place them against the wire. Simply wrap the tape around each stem as you go:

Add in varying flowers and leaves ... you can play around here and get lots of different looks:

Almost there!

Done :) 

 Hope you enjoyed this tutorial!! And remember ... Fresh flower crowns are gorgeous, but will begin to look a bit droopy within hours. You can keep your finished crown in a refrigerator to keep it a bit fresher for longer.

Pretty Petal Studio shoot!

No words.

Just pictures ....

pretty, pretty pictures!

http://www.prettypetalstudio.com/

Models: Issie (L) and Kate (R)

Model: Aidan :) 

Featured!

Whichgoose is in "The Knot" Spring 2014 issue!!!

Pretty neat-o! 

Selfies

Have you seen the "selfie" documentary by Dove?

Makes me thankful I grew up in the age when pictures of yourself were limited to a single roll of film (half of which were blurry and useless) OR that awful school picture day.

Being able to instantly take and post pictures is definitely a lot of pressure for girls (and women!)

It made me think of something similar in an AP Psych class in high school where everyone was supposed to write "something nice" anonymously about everyone else in the room. I remember the majority of my nice things were "She's quiet," or, "She's nice."
I remember being so upset that no one said "She's pretty," or "I love her hair" --- something physical.
That sort of validation is so important to a teenager.

I suppose we're all seeking validation in our lives in one form or another.

DIY crackle paint!

I've heard about this technique to make a DIY crackle paint finish ... so here is the picture story of my first time testing it!

STEP ONE:

Get yourself some regular, good 'ole Elmer's Glue. Regular, cheap, easy.

STEP TWO:

Get yourself some acrylic paint! You will need a painted base coat finish to start with ... of a contrasting color. I decided on a pink background with a white overlay.

STEP THREE: 

Spread a generous amount of glue on top of your base coat. Let this coat dry until it is "tacky" -- not totally dry, but not super wet either. The idea is to be able to spread your final coat on top without the glue spreading around too much.

STEP FOUR: 

Gently spread your top coat on top of the glue.

STEP FIVE:

wait ..... oooo ... exciting!!

TA DA!!!!!

CRACKLE.

OOohh ... pretty :) 

Cold. Sick. Cloudy.

WOW! It has been cold ... like how cold? REALLY cold.

Also, I've been sick for the last week (sinus thing.) 

I guess I couldn't have picked a better week to get sick really, since I wouldn't want to leave the house anyway. But, not it's been just about long enough and I am so ready to go do something!!

It's hard to give yourself a "sick day" when you work from home. 

There's always little things I can do when I'm just around the house ... and even though it's SUPER cloudy outside today, I took some pictures for the shop of a new little comb.

Here's the before and after once I took it into Photoshop ...

Notice the overall blue color of the background in the original? That's the cloudy skies.

So, I've added some warming filters, some extra sharpening, and a bit of a vignette (darker edges)!

Downton Abbey -- season 4!

This day has been long-awaited in my household ... "Downton Abbey"returns with Season 4 here in the U.S.!!!

It's one of the few times when the U.K. viewers get to watch before the U.S., but I'm OK with that since it is a U.K. show :) 

**SPOILERS BELOW**

At the end of last season, Mary (left) gave birth to a baby boy, and her husband, Matthew  died in a car wreck whilst reveling in his post-birth joy.

WHAT!?

Turns out, the actor wanted to leave the show, so naturally, they killed him off.

As all the previews suggest, this season will center on Mary working through her grief and coming to terms with her new single-mum status.

*

I'm most interested in the Anna/Bates story.

Bates has returned from his false imprisonment an so far, things are happy and nice with he and Anna.

I have a sneaking suspicion something will churn things up for them this season ......

If you haven't watched the series yet, I encourage you to check it out!!! Just ask anyone with a uterus ... it's "UUUHH MAAYYY ZZIIINNGGGG."

My poor husband knows not to enter the room when Downton is on. 

(He knows he will get the "SHUSH!!!")

9:00 p.m. tonight --- PBS!!!!